Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
