i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
