I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
