Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
