I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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