Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
