your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
