Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
