girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
