If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
