I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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