My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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