i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
