two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
