I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
