He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
