we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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