you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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