well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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