This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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