I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
