we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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