Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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