i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
