I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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