Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I won the penis lottery.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
