it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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