So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
