do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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