Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
