fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want to make out with him forever
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
