Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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