he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's shark week go big or go home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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