just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
