I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
