My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
