Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
