im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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