Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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