I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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