Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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