I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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