i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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