i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
