why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
