I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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