Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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