This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
