D3 body, D1 cock
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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