I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
