I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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