That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Barsexuality is the new black.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
