So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
worst night to have a conscience
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
