Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think im going to throw up on grandma
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
