Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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