Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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