I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
