Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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