Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
