remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize