I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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