Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
