some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
