I'm so fucking centered right now
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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