I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
