Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
