Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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