im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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