2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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