Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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