I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
