Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
