I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
