You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
