I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
