White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
